This weekend has many many meanings to me. I experienced high’s and low’s.. stressed but I ended my weekend on a good solid note. Here’s a reminder of what I did over the weekend. Saturday: I ate at OCB with Hunn’s family, went to Best Buy, went to look at cars, baked a cake for 5 hours, and hung with kevin and jenn afterwards. Sunday: Got aunties cake, went home to shower and prep, went to Angela’s surprise party, went to Aunties “surprise” thing, watched Neighbors.
Within this weekend, I felt excluded.. left out.. like I don’t belong.. like I’ve grown up and found that my “possy”, or whatever they call it now, aren’t my fitted surroundings.. or my “cup of tea”. I put on an act and I still gave it another try.. said I will do things in hopes that things would go back to normal and hopefully I would feel what I once felt. But you know what? The only thing stopping me, is me. I honestly don’t feel like I belong.. I feel excluded, I feel hurt yet Im growing over it and I honestly don’t care much anymore. The things that would’ve caused me to make a fit, actually aren’t anymore. The things I would’ve cared about… isn’t a problem anymore. Surprisingly…
On the other side note, I learned a lot over the weekend. I learned that others too have insecurities, that I will not only hurt myself yet also others… but I think the most important of all, is to show my feelings. If I am mad, I’ll show it (to some extent)… If I’m stressed… Ill show it. If Im happy, Ill smile. This weekend, I could obviously tell between my fake and my real smiles..but why do I have to fake such a precious muscle movement?
I remember the drastic switch between the emptiness of unspoken words, to independency with a touch of intellectual companionship.
"People wouldn’t go out that far for someone else if they didn’t care"
Yes I agree. And as uncaring and rude as I may sound, I think I need to stop. I need to stop going so far for something that wouldn’t benefit me or us together. I want to put an end to this because its over, and I don’t like dreading these thoughts.
I believe I have more potential, more to life… than to sit around, dream about the what if’s, and gossip life away.. There are more important things to life that I have yet to discover.. as I enter UW, my adventure will soon begin. Im not becoming a different person because of UW, Im different because I have a different mindset and different goals to attain.
You can bet how sad I was to wake up.. especially super early too.